The Code...

The problem with living a lie? Live it long enough and you begin to believe it. When I left the fire I return to my furs worn out and confused. The Code? What the fuck?! What the fuck does that really mean, Tasco?! The Code! I was furious with myself for not simply saying what should have been said in the beginning...I was even angrier for walking away from Yamka when she managed to catch onto what Tarra and Cana had only lightly touched with the tips of their fingers.

I lay in my furs staring up through an open flap to the skies above me. I started to chuckle. Quietly at first, until the sound filled my entire wagon so full the timbre of my own voice was not only heard but felt. I laughed so hard tears began to form in my eyes. I do not remember when I started to cry, whether it was before the tears started falling or after but when I finally realized that I had been weeping I covered my face and screamed into my own palms doing all that I could to stifle the sound and regain what composure I had left.

I sat up, wrapped my arms around my legs for a bit and drew my knees close to my chest. The scar upon my shoulder felt like it was on fire and I took myself back in time to a place before it was made. To a time...that changed my life forever. I recall how angry I was with father. He knew how I felt about her! He knew how she felt about me! But still he made the arrangement! Never before had my father I truly fought with one another, but fight we did. For days we fought and never did it do any good.

"I have you my name, Tasco. You will pass that on to another..."

"But I LOVE her!"

"And your love for her makes you weak! I will not have you weakened by this woman! What is done I have done for your own good!"

"Father...you can't do this...please!"

"It has already been done, Tasco. The price is paid."

That was the day that I was forced to create my code. That was the day I was forced to give up on love...on her. Not a day goes by that I do not question what my life might have been like. How it might have been different. It pains me. It will always pain me to see her in his arms, and though I know that she has grown to love him, I cannot help but think there is still a part of me she carries with her in her heart.

The Code is simple: .....

I cannot love another woman totally if part of me still loves her.