"Avoidance..."

I have been avoiding Yamka for the time being. I am not trying to be cruel, but I will admit that I am not sure where my head is. I love women. I have always loved women. However, my appreciation for women does not usually expand beyond the physical...and any emotional nuances that come with...well...fucking. Of course as we all know that wears off when the hard on goes soft. For the man at least.

I wouldn't be any kind of man, however, if I did not admit that a woman has managed to chip a small piece away from me and even though I wouldn't call our conversation the longest one I have ever had I will admit that she made me appreciate that small amount of time we spent with one another staring at the stars above from our place among the herds.

When she asked me a question, I answered. She did not attempt to talk over me or rationalize what I was saying. She simply let me say it and then provided her own thoughts on the matter. I respected her for this. Many women with presume they know the mind of a man when in fact what they know is nothing at all.

She asked me to paint an image for her and when I asked her to close her eyes she did not hesitate. She does not know me well, but, I will imagine she did so because she trusts me...or at least, she wants to trust me. She wanted to know what a woman was to me. So I spelled it out for her as my father had taught and spelled it out for me. A herlit. A sleen. A kaiila. A woman is all three in one package. A good woman must be all of these, for if she is not how then can she be found desireable, or useful for that matter.

For the first time I have found this woman to be desirable, but in the same turn of events I have come to appreciate our friendship. And so...I avoid her. It is too early for me to begin burning bridges here at the Ubars fires and I don't know if I am prepared to care for a woman in a way that it is becoming more and more obvious that perhaps she would like to care for me.